Report

IBO Reporter: Spot51

|Saints in yellow kicked off and played the ball back to Aaron, who launched it into touch deep in AFCB territory. It soon became clear that Russ had ditched 4-2-3-1 for 4-4-2 with Fraser and Cornet on the wings and Fernandes and Dibling up top.

Bill Leslie and Dreadful Alan Smith were on commentary. I assume Smudger lives locally, as he always does Saints games and just drones on, rarely adding anything insightful.

The early exchanges were poor as both sides retained the ball like a bar of wet soap. Eventually, Saints settled, got their passing game going, and began putting the Cherries under pressure. Fraser, who refused to play for Bournemouth after his contract expired in the Covid season, was getting stick from the yokels whenever on the ball. Saints’ first chance was created by Ugo, who found Cornet. The Ivorian’s shot deflected for the first of 2 corners, neither of which caused any problems for Kepa.

On 8m, Kepa was called into action when an error by Kerkez gave Dibling a shooting chance, but the Chelsea loanee held the ball. On 14m, Dibling breezed past Senesi and drove goalwards. The Argie tracked his run and appeared to push our kid over before he got in the box, but MO didn’t see it that way. Bastard!

From that point onwards, the home team stepped up a gear and the dangerous Semenyo put in a decent cross from their right. Cornet won the ball but was hacked down before he could clear. FK Saints - straight into touch. Back they came, and we defended the next attack like a Sunday morning pub side.

A crude hack, possibly on Ouattara, gave them a free kick. While our guys bitched to the ref, Tavenier launched a quick free kick into our box, and THB let Evanilson goalside of him. The £40M Brazilian striker did what such players often do and volleyed the dropping ball across Rammy into the far corner. Their first attempt and 1-0 AFCB!

What happened next was the most awful “Deja Vu” of our lousy performance in the United game. From being well in the contest, we suddenly surrendered any pretence of being a team and performed with all the finesse of a flock of headless chickens. No wonder Russ was disappointed - I was fecking furious!

The one bright spark was Taylor - a seasoned EPL pro who kept doing his job facing the tricky Semenyo and headed away most of the crosses that arrived in our box. THB also did his bit, seeing off Ouattara, winning a goal kick, and playing the ball off the Burkinabe’s shins.

They were asking all the questions now, and we were unable to respond. On 27m, Dibling gave up the ball, which was worked to Tavernier, who hit a wickedly swerving shot on target. Thankfully, our current keeper is up to saving those.

Two minutes later, Fernandes left a foot in on Senesi, who’d been getting away with such challenges all game. MO saw fit to book Mateus. Bastard!

On 32m, AFCB advanced down their right again, and Semenyo picked out Cook lurking, unmarked, near the edge of our box. Our defence got up quickly, leaving three of theirs’ offside, or would have if Cap’n Flynn got the memo. He dawdled as Cook’s tame shot deflected off Ouattara, out of Aaron’s reach and into the corner. 2-0. Bollocks!

Ramsdale at least had the sense to try and gee his team mates up but to no avail. Again, we were that limp, out-of-their-depth bunch of players who’d handed Ten Hag a few more games at Old Trafford.

Five minutes more, and they went three up. They won a corner but just passed the ball to each other (something we’d ceased doing) until they could work a shooting chance. Ugo welcomed Semenyo into our box like a doorman ushering in his mate, and the winger lashed the ball past Rammy. FFS!

Why do we always collapse when something bad happens? At 1-0, we were very much in the game. At 3-0, we might as well feck off home at half time.

I spent the rest of the half thinking about what changes Russ would make. The two kids up front had been a disaster, and Dibling was looking lost. I’d have him, Ugo, and Fraser off and try Tall Paul, Lallana, and BBD to give them Cherries a bit more to think about.

In the +3m added, Tavernier did what Fernandes got booked for at our place. He ignored the referee’s whistle and lumped the ball forward. At least officials are consistent in that area. The half ended with another Bournemouth corner and the trusty head of Taylor got it clear. 3-0, and it all started so well…

Russ was soon back in the dugout, so what he’d said was extremely brief and to the point. He did make three changes. Ugo and Fraser were hooked, but so was Cornet, who’d in no way looked as bad as others. On came BBD, Joe and The Loch Ness Drogba. I did laugh at the yokels' chant of “Same old Fraser, always hiding!”

The value of keeping Dibling on was demonstrated 4 minutes into the half. Our whole team played like they’d been severely bollocked, and Dibling embarked on one of those trademark, weaving runs only ended by a crude foul by Kerkez, earning the Magyar an entry in MO’s little black book. Dibling and Suga stood over the ball as our big guys got in the box, and Tyler curled over an inswinger.

THB won the header and produced a dramatic flying save from Kepa. Taylor collected the ball, recycling it to Fernandes a little deeper. The Portuguese put it back in the mixer, where THB still lurked. He had to stoop to get his head on this one, but stoop he did, and the ball flew past Kepa. 3-1 with 40m left…

We created the next chance too, when Taylor got down the left but LND got his header all wrong before Suga and Downes both picked up cards for feck knows what. Dibling’s, on the other hand, was for a proper foul as Bournemouth awoke and started playing again. Clearly, the next goal mattered, and they wanted to ensure it wasn’t us scoring it.

We were certainly competing now, which made the first-half debacle even more annoying. Why wait until the game is over before deciding to start playing again? Fernandes gave BBD a chance from the left, but it flew just by the far post.

AFCB were also getting forward, and we had to defend a few corners and free kicks. Ross proved the value of having a big lad on the park by heading a few crosses away. Their only strike at goal came from Kerkez which Rammy watched fly over his bar.

On 61 minutes, they replaced Ouattara with Kluivert, which led to more pressure on our box. Taylor blocked a shot from Semenyo, and we managed to play the ball off Kluivert to win a goal kick. Again, Semenyo tried to go past Taylor but won just a corner. From this, Kluivert got a shot away, but the frame of Janny B halted its progress. Then Evanilson had a chance but struck it right at Ramsdale. We were in the game but defending while two goals adrift.

On 70m, Lallana replaced Fernandes and, as ever, took charge of the middle of the park. Suddenly it was the home team defending, with our defence camped on the halfway line. THB swung over a cross that Kepa needed to punch away. Our next attack saw a last-ditch tackle by Kerkez stop Suga at the cost of a corner.

We then produced a lovely passing move involving BBD, Dibling and Suga, who rolled the ball to Lallana, who, sadly, skyed his shot. FFS! Cue substitutions: First, Unal and Scott were on for Evanilson and Tavernier, and then Archer was for Dibling. We were 4-4-2 again but now had Ross and Archer up top, and the game became very end-to-end. Semenyo continued to pose a threat, but Taylor closed him down more than once.

On 82m, Bournemouth almost bagged a fourth. Kluivert cut in towards our goal but was met by a firm THB tackle. The ball broke to Christie, who let fly from outside the box. I’m not sure if Aaron would have stopped it had it not been just the wrong side (for them) of the post.

The last few minutes continued frantically, but no clear chances were made. On 89m, AFCB replaced Semenyo with Sinesterra, but the +4m brought more pain for our fans. Suga won a corner when Senesi headed his cross behind. We put the cross right on the same player’s head, and he cleared comfortably. The yokels celebrated when the PA announced that the last train to Southampton was cancelled, and finally, Lallana got booked for who knows what. Final score 3-1.

Well, that was piss poor. I like Russ, but picking a team with no strikers didn’t work before, so why try it again? We looked OK for about 15m, but they scored with their first shot on target once they decided we weren’t much good. Then, instead of digging in, we went AWOL for the rest of the half, effectively handing them the points.

The second half was better from our point of view, but they were flying on auto by then and had enough in the tank to match anything we did. They really didn’t need to extend themselves. That last 30 minutes before halftime effectively gift-wrapped their victory.

Man Of The Match

The one thing that Dreadful Alan Smith got right was naming Semenyo as Sky MOM. He was a constant threat down the right or coming inside as he did for his goal.

Few of our starting XI did well, but Ramsdale, THB, and Taylor were the best of a rotten bunch. In the second half, the subs did better and lifted the whole team. Special mention goes to Adam Lallana and Joe Aribo, who got amongst them, and Ross Stewart, who surely must start from now on. He looks like a centre forward, FFS!

Anyhow, my MoM is Charlie Taylor, who did his job against a tricky opponent and never let his head drop. Getting good kids in is essential in these FFP times, but so is finding honest EPL experience, which Charlie has - in Spades!